Download E-books The Sugar Frosted Nutsack: A Novel PDF

By Mark Leyner

Excessive above the bustling streets of Dubai, within the world's tallest and most opulent skyscraper, live the gods and goddesses of the trendy global. on the grounds that they emerged 14 billion years in the past from a bus blaring a music remarkably just like the Mister Softee jingle, they have wreaked mischief and havoc on mankind. not able to regulate their jealousies, the gods have splintered into numerous factions, led through the immortal enemies XOXO, Shanice, l. a. Felina, Fast-Cooking Ali, and magnate Magoo. Ike Karton, an unemployed butcher from New Jersey, is their present obsession.

Ritualistically recited via a forged of drug-addled bards, THE SUGAR FROSTED NUTSACK is Ike's epic tale. A raucous story of gods and males confronting lust, ambition, dying, and the everlasting verities, it's a wildly enjoyable, wickedly quickly gambol during the unmapped corridors of the mind's eye.

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We ain’t toasted, we Pop-Tarted! So sell off me within the bathroom bowl and flush me! Throw me in a rubbish truck and weigh down me! A trash compactor or a wine press works okay, It’s like any that silly shit within the Cirque du Soleil! Suicide-by-cop sounds enjoyable, yet you could by no means discover a motherfuckin’ cop in case you desire one! genuine HUSBAND “Going into the woodland to collect wild garlic” Is a euphemism for these instances whilst Ike stares off into house, hearing the voice of a specific God who’s chatting with him. actual spouse Or while he thinks The writhing Goddesses are Ogling him and masturbating, Or whilst he thinks he hears The far away whine of a Drone plane circling overhead. actual HUSBAND & actual spouse I’m a severed bard-head! I can’t cease reciting what i began! This shit ain’t for the fainthearted! We ain’t toasted, we Pop-Tarted! So sell off me within the bathroom bowl and flush me! Throw me in a rubbish truck and weigh down me! A trash compactor or a wine press works okay, It’s like any that silly shit within the Cirque du Soleil! Suicide-by-cop sounds enjoyable, yet you could by no means discover a motherfuckin’ cop if you happen to want one! actual HUSBAND Ike had a dream approximately los angeles Felina. there has been whatever dangling from her clutch. initially Ike inspiration it was once a tampon string, yet as he got here nearer He might see that it was once a fortune. genuine spouse He pulled it out and browse it. It acknowledged, “To propitiate XOXO, So he permits your tale to learn In a quasi-coherent method, you need to kill your father, and so on. genuine HUSBAND & genuine spouse I’m a severed bard-head! I can’t cease reciting what i began! This shit ain’t for the fainthearted! We ain’t toasted, we Pop-Tarted! So sell off me within the bathroom bowl and flush me! Throw me in a rubbish truck and weigh down me! A trash compactor or a wine press works okay, It’s like several that silly shit within the Cirque du Soleil! Suicide-by-cop sounds enjoyable, yet you could by no means discover a motherfuckin’ cop if you want one! the genuine HUSBAND and actual spouse cease tapping their marriage ceremony jewelry on their cans of Sunkist orange soda, and the pace slows. The sky darkens. genuine spouse I simply are looking to inform you anything. We either knew precisely what we have been entering into after we signed directly to this complete Sugar Frosted Nutsack factor… genuine HUSBAND I detect that. genuine spouse I’m fated to depart you for a blind, drug-​addled bard, after which you'll want to enucleate your personal eyeballs. It’s all foretold within the epic. you might want to relatively do it—I suggest, the attention factor. actual HUSBAND i do know. actual spouse No regrets? actual HUSBAND within the 13th Season, while Ike tells The Waitress on the leave out the US diner approximately his purpose (and future) to devote suicide-by-cop and therefore allow his kin to gather on his existence insurance plans, The Waitress says that “fate is the last word preexisting . ” and that i think that. (The following is sung to the melody of “O Sink Hernieder, Nacht Der Liebe” from Richard Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde. ) genuine spouse on the danger of hoisting myself alone petard, I’m leaving you For a blind, drug-addled bard. genuine HUSBAND What approximately Cupid’s Stigmata?

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